"Um, can you...?"

Don't you hate when questions start off with "Um, can you...?"

OK, so I'm minding my own business. On the other side of the room this is the conversation I hear:

June says "Oh, I'll buy you lunch today."

Jean says "No, that's okay. I brought lunch today."

Mary says "No, I'm fine. Thanks anyway."

June says "No, I INSIST. Lunch is on me today. Whatever you want."

Then I see June waddling over to my desk and plops down in the chair. "Um, can you go pick up lunch? I'm buying Mary and Jean whatever they want."

Can you believe that? You want me to go spend my gas, use mileage on my leased car, to go pick up lunch for somebody else?! And you don't even offer to buy lunch for ME?! Now I wouldn't mind if I was getting fed too. But wait---it gets worse. Without skipping a beat, June says "Um, can you pay for it and I reimburse you in a couple days?"

Yes, you read that right. How the f*ck you gonna offer to buy somebody lunch and you broke? How can you fix your mouth to ask somebody ELSE to pay for it AFTER you insisted on treating?

Lesson is: Don't offer what you don't have!